The landscape of marriage has evolved over the years, especially concerning relationships that cross racial and ethnic boundaries. Back in the day, say around the early 1960s, it was a different story. There was an ongoing battle with historically-laden prejudices being passed down for generations. The intolerance towards interracial relationships was perpetuated within society.
Hollywood decided to tackle this issue head-on in the '60s, seeing the potential for stirring up conversation. They weren't merely producing movies; they were creating what I'll fondly refer to as “conduct fiction.” Think of it as sneaky life lessons wrapped up in cinematic magic. It wasn’t only entertaining; they were trying to nudge society towards a more open-minded approach to love and relationships.
In literature, a Conduct Book is meant to educate the reader on social norms and ideals. It’s not just about creating a polite society, but address behavior in a broader, ethical sense. The idea is to suggest how society is to behave or not behave.
Let's take a look at West Side Story, the cinematic adaptation of a 1957 Broadway musical, which hit theaters in 1961. Set against the vibrant backdrop of New York City, the plot centers on the forbidden romance between Maria, a Puerto Rican girl, and Tony, a White boy. As their love grows, they navigate the hostility simmering between their respective communities. Normally, I wouldn't reveal the ending of a movie, but given that over sixty years have passed, it's safe to say there's no happily ever after. Instead, what unfolds is reconciliation and unity with both sides coming together in the face of tragedy.
Fast forward to 1967, and we're offered Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner, a groundbreaking film that tackles interracial relationships head-on. Joanna, a young White woman, proudly brings home John, a Black man, with plans to announce their intention to marry. Sounds like a heartwarming family gathering, right? Well, not exactly. Despite their overall liberal mindset, Joanna's parents express reservations about the union; citing concerns over societal prejudices and the challenges they will face. And when John's parents enter the scene, their sentiment is the same. Now, both sets of parents struggle with fear for their children's safety amidst a world laden with discrimination and hostility.
Again, since you’ve had about sixty years since this film hit the silver screen, I’ll share how it all wraps up. Essentially, the parents recognize the couples love for each other is all that matters. It was clear they couldn’t stop what was already in motion, but might lose having Joanna and John in their lives. They readily acknowledge the two lovebirds will face adversity within society; but know unconditional support was essential for that journey.
Speaking of adversity, we’ll take a step back and acknowledge the historical context behind these tales of forbidden love. Just six months before this movie’s release, interracial marriage was still illegal in seventeen states. These films shed light on the harsh realities faced by couples navigating the treacherous waters of racial prejudice.
Welcome to the 21st century, where love seemingly knows no bounds. Nowadays, it's not uncommon for people to find themselves head over heels for someone from a completely different background. In fact, the idea that a relationship might not work out because of race, religion, or culture doesn't even cross their minds.
But here's the thing: with this shift towards more inclusive relationships comes a whole new set of challenges. We're talking about confronting those deep-seated biases and assumptions that we've inherited from previous generations. You know, the ones that whisper in the back of your mind, casting doubt on whether love can truly conquer all.
We understand what interracial means, but let's define a relative broader term—intermarriage. It’s a union between people who are from different social groups, races, or religions. For all intents and purposes, every marriage is an intermarriage; and couples should to take an honest look at how much the difference in their cultures matters to them. When individuals from one culture marry into a different one, the self-identity and the relationship to each culture must be modified. It's not just about saying "I do" to someone from a different race or background; it's about embracing the opportunity to learn and grow together, to explore new traditions and perspectives.
In addition to cultural differences, it's important to consider how sex fits into the picture within a relationship. Every culture comes with its own set of norms and expectations regarding sexual behavior, which can deeply influence the dynamics of a partnership. While love itself may be a universal language, the ways in which couples navigate sexual intimacy can vary widely from one culture to another.
For example, in some cultures, there may be strict guidelines and taboos surrounding premarital sex, with an emphasis on abstinence until marriage. In contrast, other cultures may have more liberal attitudes towards sexuality, viewing it as a natural and essential aspect of human relationships.
These cultural differences can extend to gender roles and expectations surrounding sexual behavior. In some societies, there may be traditional expectations regarding men's and women's roles in sexual relationships, with certain behaviors or expressions of desire being considered more acceptable for one gender over the other. These expectations can influence everything from communication and consent to the frequency and nature of sexual activity within a relationship.
Navigating these cultural nuances around sex requires open communication, mutual respect, and an understanding of each partner's background and beliefs. It's important for couples to have honest conversations about their expectations, boundaries, and desires, and to work together to find common ground that honors both individuals' cultural backgrounds while fostering a healthy and fulfilling sexual connection
Did you know that the first law prohibiting interracial marriages was passed back in 1691? It wasn't until three centuries later, in 1967, that the Supreme Court finally put an end to these discriminatory laws. A mere 56 years ago, interracial marriage bans were still defining racial boundaries and serving as excuses for discrimination. That means many of us still have parents and grandparents who grew up in a time when a White woman couldn't even dream of marrying a Black man. It's a sobering reminder of just how far we've come, and many would add how far we still have to go.
As the older generations gracefully stepped into the sunset, we began to witness a remarkable shift towards more interethnic partnerships. Sure, we still cling tightly to our cherished traditions, but there's something beautiful about how we're willing to blend them with new ones when we fall head over heels for someone with a completely different upbringing. We're living in a melting pot of cultures, and it's nothing short of magical.
Now, let's talk about marriage in general. There are highs and lows, twists and turns, as two individuals come together to create something greater than the sum of their parts. But throw in the complexities of an interracial partnership, and you've got yourself a whole new level of challenges. Suddenly, you're navigating not just the ebbs and flows of love, but also the nuances of cultural differences and societal expectations.
In my own family, I've seen a remarkable shift from my grandparents' generation to my parents' when it comes to attitudes towards interracial relationships. Gone are the days of strict adherence to marrying within our own ethnicity; instead, we're embracing love in all its diverse forms. But let's not sugarcoat it—this change didn't come without its fair share of obstacles.
Bigotry has a funny way of rearing its ugly head, even in the most well-meaning of families. It's akin to a stubborn weed that refuses to be uprooted, fueled by fear and ignorance. We tend to fear what we don't understand, and that fear can easily morph into intolerance and prejudice. It's a vicious cycle that feeds into a mindset of seeing those who are ethnically or culturally different in a negative light.
Let's be real.
Disregarding our families' opinions on our relationships isn't easy. What if they refuse to support our marriage or constantly criticize our partner? Their rejection hurts, and it's hard to ignore. They can't control who we love, but are we ready for the consequences if they disapprove? Are we prepared to lose their support and acceptance? It's a tough decision, but sometimes we have to prioritize our partner over our family's approval.
That kind of rejection cuts deep, no matter how thick your skin may be. It's like a constant weight on your shoulders, a nagging voice in the back of your mind that refuses to be silenced. That will most certainly affect you, even if you try to dismiss their ignorance.
Love isn't always rainbows and butterflies (Thanks, Maroon 5). Sometimes, it's about making tough choices and standing up for what you believe in, even in the face of opposition. So take a deep breath, steady yourself for the challenges ahead, and remember that true love you believe in is worth fighting for, no matter the cost.
Change is possible. With each passing generation, we have the opportunity to vanquish bigotry and embrace a more inclusive worldview. It's not always easy, and it certainly takes time, but it's a worthy journey.
I'd like to offer a personal anecdote about interracial marriage.
Once upon a time, there lived a sixteen-year-old girl whose features mirrored a rich tapestry of a Mexican heritage. Her mahogany hair complemented her honey-colored skin and hazel eyes. Her maternal grandparents had journeyed from the northeastern corners of Mexico to settle in Texas. Meanwhile, her father, a descendant of Mexican migrant workers, etched his mark on the American dream by transforming modest beginnings into a thriving business painting commercial vehicles.
She was the eldest daughter, initially surrounded by three brothers who shared her bloodline. However, her parents divorced during her early years, each on separate paths that led to remarriage and the addition of new siblings. Her family would grow with five sisters and two more brothers—all of Mexican heritage.
In the fall of 1968, she fell deeply in love with a junior at her high school. He was tall with sandy-blond hair and piercing sky-blue eyes—and not remotely of Hispanic descent. Their teenage romance was not without its trials, particularly within the family’s expectations. For her, it marked a departure from tradition as she chose someone outside of her Mexican heritage. He eventually won everyone over—except for her mother, who made it obvious she didn’t approve.
The two lovebirds dropped out of high school when this young Mexican girl discovered she was pregnant. They were married and living on their own, with the soon-to-be father now working full-time.
Nine months later, in November of 1970, I was born—and fondly referred to as the family’s first “half-breed.”
My grandmother continued to harbor resentment for my father—even after my sister was born five years later. She never missed an opportunity to disparage him, filling my mom with doubt. For a twenty-four-year-old mother and wife, navigating the complexities of marriage and motherhood was already a challenging task. Confidence strained, she was eventually convinced she would be better off without him. She and my grandmother hatched a plan.
My mother packed a suitcase and fled to Mexico to live with her aunt, bringing her two daughters with her. My father came home to an empty house and as the hours ticked by, he got in his car to search the area. He found our car abandoned in a supermarket parking lot and thought the worst. In a panic, he called my grandmother, who lied, claiming she didn’t know where we were. It was her stoic calm that gave her away. He knew then we weren’t kidnapped. He continued to make calls and worried family members were just as clueless to our whereabouts.
My father discovered where we were when his bank called him a few days later about a check my mother attempted to cash. She had taken the insurance payout that was in my father’s name for recent fire damage done to our home. Having been to my great-aunt’s house numerous times, he drove the seven hours to get us. Their marriage never recovered and they soon divorced.
I learned the specifics of this event about ten years ago when I was in my early forties. I often find myself contemplating the events that shaped my family's history. I wondered about the roads not taken, the choices left unmade. What if my mother hadn't been swayed by my grandmother's influence? Would our family have followed a different path, one less marked by conflict and separation?
Despite the events of the past, I do realize that our experiences have shaped who we are today. While I may never fully understand the complexities of my parents' relationship, I carry with me the lessons learned from their struggles. With my own children, I recognized the importance of instilling in them a deep appreciation for their multicultural heritage.
They were raised with open communication, mutual respect, and cultural appreciation. My ex, their father, was a blend of Cuban and Puerto Rican descent. I want them to embrace the richness of their Hispanic roots while also celebrating the diversity of the world around them. Through exposure to different cultures, traditions, and perspectives, I aim to cultivate their empathy, understanding, and acceptance.
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