I will tell you with absolute certainty that penis size doesn’t matter overall. This is both honest and sincere. The reality is that every man has the opportunity to shine sexually regardless of their penis size. A well-endowed man can be an extremely poor lover. Even if I thought your penis was small, you would never know from me. Telling a man his cock looks too small to satisfy is unfathomable—and just cruel. Should a woman say that to you, know she isn’t worth the effort or your time. I may share with my bestie that your penis isn’t all that big, but if I had an amazing sexual experience, that will be the highlight of our conversation.
Many studies on the average length of an erect penis are based self-measured statistics, which is inherently flawed. Men are prone to either “eyeball” their length with a desire to be larger, or they measure improperly. Bruce King, a psychologist and professor at Clemson University, wrote an article in 2021 for the Sex & Marital Therapy journal titled, “Average-Size Erect Penis: Fiction, Fact, and the Need for Counseling.” He states,
“Most men believe that the average length of an erect penis is greater than 6 inches (15.24 cm). This belief is due, in part, to several often-cited studies that relied on self-reported measurements, with means of about 6.2 inches (15.75 cm) for heterosexual men and even greater for gay men. These studies suffered from both volunteer bias and social desirability bias. For 21 studies in which researchers measured penises, the mean was approximately 5.11 inches (12.98 cm; n = 13,719). Based on these studies, the average length of an erect penis is between 5.1 and 5.5 inches…”
When the researchers did the measuring themselves rather than the participants, a better view of the average size was presented—about 5.5-inches. When you reach for the ruler, the correct way to measure your erection length is from the pubic bone to the tip on the top side of your shaft. You do yourself a disservice by pushing the ruler into your abdomen looking for that extra inch; it should just gently rests against your body.
It’s no secret that sexual competence and masculinity are associated with penis size.
When a man does something bold or brave, we say, “Wow! He did a Big-Dick move!” And—just like women scan the room for other women to compare and analyze, men do the same in gym locker rooms. Relax, it’s not due to sexual interest; it’s simply to gauge the perceived manliness. Penis size does not equate to how macho someone is any more than breast size determines how feminine a woman is. However, our culture perpetuates the stereotype. For men, their manhood may represent a sense of power. Stanley Siegal, a writer for PsychologyTomorrowMagazine.com, wrote in his article Penis Envy: How Size Influences Self-Esteem:
“A penis is tied to a man’s sense of his virility. Beyond athleticism, job prestige or earning potential, the powerful penis is considered the true physical manifestation of masculinity. A man is supposed to spread his seed and have the proper tool to do it with.”
Men think about their dick numerous times a day and even contemplate how they measure up to a partner’s previous lovers. Men who feel their penis is too small may shy away from sexual activity; unfortunately, this leads to a low self-esteem, sexually or otherwise. Those men who are well-endowed (8 or more inches) can actually intimidate some women when they drop their pants. Women fear the discomfort they may have during sex and/or tearing of their lady-bits. Having that fear floating around in your thoughts distracts from enjoying sex. The good news for all is the vagina can expand to fit most lengths and men can slide in all the way; however, some may have the base of their shaft sticking out. The average depth of the vagina is 7-inches. When thoroughly aroused, the vaginal wall naturally elongates and becomes more flexible, enough to accommodate almost any size penis.
It may be a relief to know that when women claim that size doesn’t matter, overall, they are actually being honest.
A study performed by Janet Lever, David Frederick, and Letitia Peplau (2006), “Does Size Matter? Men’s and Women’s Views on Penis Size Across the Lifespan,” they asked 26,437 women, aged 18 to 65, their opinions on penis size and satisfaction with their partner’s penis. The question offered three options:
Yes, they were satisfied with their partner’s penis;
No, they wish it were bigger; and
No, they wish it were smaller.
They reported that 84% of women were satisfied with the size of their partner’s penis size. Men are under the misconception that a longer penis implies sexual satisfaction with intercourse—an assured orgasm. Although men are more likely to orgasm every time, for women, intercourse alone doesn’t ensure climax.
This is the part I mentioned before about having an amazing sexual experience regardless of penis size… so pay attention!
Most women need clitoral stimulation. I’m not talking about a couple of quick vigorous rubs with your thumb, but direct and prolonged clitoral caresses. Given a sufficient clitoral massage, any erection size can bring great pleasure as your lady friend is already primed. Personally, I have some of my strongest orgasms when receiving oral sex from my husband because he is constantly stimulating my clit with his tongue—totally negating his penis altogether.
The false notion that having a larger penis ensures orgasm may stem from the considerable meat-stick sizes we see in pornography. Those larger than average men are hired as actors/models because of their penis size. And lest you forget, their partners in the flick are also paid actors. Therefore, it’s a highly distorted standard that cannot be used for comparison with the everyday male. This is where the unrealistic representation of what pleases a woman can cause men to judge their real-life sexual experiences as inferior by comparison.
What porn doesn’t provide are depictions of any tangible intimacy that’s typically expected by partners in real life—nor should it. Porn is defined as sexually explicit material intended to sexually arouse and explore sexual curiosities—written, visual, or otherwise. It should not be used to educate or promote any realistic standards of sex. My point is: should a man believe having a 8-inch erection is the only way to satisfy a woman, he will be left with feelings of a low sexual confidence if he doesn’t measure up.
There is no proven way to change the size of your penis, despite what you may see advertised. According to the Mayo Clinic, none of the methods are regulated by the Food & Drug Administration and can cause permanent damage to your goods:
Pills and lotions - These usually contain vitamins, minerals, herbs or hormones that manufacturers claim enlarge the penis. None of these products has been proved to work, and some may be harmful.
Vacuum pumps - A vacuum pump can make a penis look larger temporarily. But using one too often or too long can damage elastic tissue in the penis, leading to less firm erections.
Exercises - sometimes called jelqing, these exercises use a hand-over-hand motion to push blood from the base to the head of the penis. Although this technique appears safer than other methods, there's no scientific proof it works, and it can lead to scar formation, pain and disfigurement.
So, what do you do if you feel your penis doesn’t measure up?
First, you have to remove the insecure thought from your mind. The reality is women appreciate caring, kindness, consideration, and a good sense of humor in a lover more than erection length. I know, blah blah… I just want to fuck. I get it. And I know, sex doesn’t necessarily require intimacy, it’s about arousing the physical desire. I will offer that sex combined with emotional intimacy (deep feelings of closeness and trust) does offer a more sexual satisfaction between lovers but more on that below. Regardless, directing your attention to the giving and receiving pleasure during sex is more important than your equipment size. That is if your goal is to ALSO ensure your partner is sexually pleased.
Giving and receiving includes spending more time on foreplay as it literally gets the juice flowing. The sexual activity before intercourse triggers physiological and physical responses that make sexual activity enjoyable as it builds arousal. Although you may think you want to avoid emotional intimacy, it usually happens regardless as this is where a connection with your partner is made, helping to lower inhibitions and insecurities. Just kissing alone releases oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin—increasing levels of euphoria. Never underestimate the power of a good kisser. Imagine all the other opportunities you have to stimulate pleasure exploring each other’s bodies with your hands, mouth, and even some toys.
When it’s time for intercourse, there are many positions to discover that will please both of you if your man-meat is on the smaller side. Try doggy style with her on her knees and you penetrating from behind. If she prefers to face you, placing a pillow under her hips will allow you to go deeper. You can also pull her to the edge of the bed and stand in front with her legs on your shoulders. Grab a vibrator and place it on her clitoris as you thrust into her to heighten the potential of her orgasm. And, there’s always the trusty cowgirl position as it allows her to stimulate her clitoris as she rocks back and forth, grinding against you. With this position, it’s important to guide her to ensure she doesn’t move up and down, potentially allowing you to slide out.
What the hell do you know about dicks?
Me? Since you asked… let me tell you that I have seen my fair share over the course of almost two years as an OnlyFans creator. I received hundreds of dick-pics—mostly from the social media platforms. Most photos were a surprise when opening a direct message, but some guys actually did ask if they could share their “rock-hard cock” that was sure to please me. One might think that’s expected given the territory, and perhaps that’s true. However, those followers who sent unsolicited dick-pics were all blocked from future contact. If you’re a man looking for confirmation that you have a throbbing-meat-stick worthy of viewing, sending a photo without asking first is not okay—EVER.
One of the many sexually engaging options I offered on OnlyFans was a thorough Dick Review. For a fee, I would provide an honest assessment of what I personally thought of a guy’s cock and my educated guess on its length. (By the way, according the the fans, I was always right about the size.) For double the fee, I’d send you a video of me sharing my thoughts. You might think that you would never allow for such a critique of your phallus, but I assure you it was always constructive and complimentary. There are Dick Reviews meant to belittle and demean, however that is always upon request—some men are into that fetish. My eager fan would submit several photos of their erect cock from different angles, including one where they were holding it in their hand. There were some that were up to 8-inches, but a larger number were in the statistical average 5-inch range. I was actually performing a service instilling confidence as there is a bright side to every dick—not to mention it was from a female perspective.
Here is a snippet of one of my reviews for an average size dick:
There is a noticeable change between your shaft and the bell-end of your cock. It looks like your bell-end is very pronounced and ridged and that would make for a wonderful orgasmic experience. I love that the ridge of your helmet is so well-defined as it would create a lot of sensation. It does look very suckable! I would have no problem giving the head of your cock a lot of attention with a blow job and could spend a lot of time with my tongue swirling around it. And, given the length of your shaft, deep-throating your cock would be enjoyable for both of us.
Based on your grip you have a decent enough girth. It isn’t the fattest cock I’ve seen, but it's far from skinny. Having a less girthy base isn't a deal breaker, especially given the bonus of a fatter helmet—it’s what gives me orgasms…
All of my reviews were about 500 words and any perceived negatives were stated with a positive twist. The only thing I did not shy away from was manscaping. My reasoning? A girl doesn’t like to go hunting in the bush! Keeping the pubic area trimmed is important, especially if you want oral sex, and it also gives the appearance of a longer shaft. I can’t speak for all women, but an average size dick of 5 to 6 inches is less intimidating for a blow job than a 8-inch one.
As far as my personal experiences, I would have to say most were in the average range, with a few slightly longer. I can’t honestly say I recall being more fulfilled with the well-endowed men. One in particular was on a swinging date with my husband and another couple a few years ago. This guy was long, at least 8-inches, but not incredibly thick. I remember him mostly because he didn’t want to wear a condom and I literally had to stop him before intercourse. Once he begrudgingly put it on, at the direction of all of us—including his wife—my sexual mood dissipated. It was already low given his repeatedly mentioning how he was going make me cum twice… not just once, but two times for sure. We had sex and I did not received my promised orgasms even once.
By the way, having safe-sex is always a priority and there are literally no excuses for not ensuring that you are.
And yes, some woman may proclaim they want a well-endowed man. This is no different from men finding larger-than-average breasts more appealing. Does this mean they don’t want to have sex with a smaller-breasted woman? I assure you, that’s very unlikely the case. As a sexually experienced woman, I know it takes way more than a large cock to have an orgasm. I am confident most women will agree. You may have a statistically “averaged-sized cock,” but to be an above-average lover should always be your goal.
If you have any questions about this topic or sex in general, check out our other articles on sexdemystified.substack.com; or drop us an email. We will be more than happy to help you in your sexual adventure. Be sure to follow us on social media, too!