Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.
~Rita Rudner
Joking aside; in 2016, livescience.com posted an article titled, “New Theory on Why Men Love Breasts.” Right off the bat, authors Natalie Wolchover and Stephanie Pappas posed the question, "Why do straight men devote so much headspace to those big, bulbous bags of fat drooping from women's chests?” It’s not the most congenial way to describe those luscious breasts on our chest but the question still remains… why?
A large part of the answer lies in preference—meaning men can love breasts for many different reasons. One being a deeply hidden evolutionary construct that men see our bust as beacons of fertility. Biologically, there may be an attraction because of dear old mom (notwithstanding the ever-popular mommy fantasies). This may sound like a buzz-kill for some, but a hormone released during breastfeeding maintains a nurturing bond between mother and offspring. Oh, you weren’t breastfeed? Then there is also the notion we want what we can’t see. To maintain proper social behavior, we woman have to cover up our breasts. See, it’s all about the mystery and having to use the imagination. The images cue sex in our brain, because we know it’s a logical precursor to sex when they are revealed. If you really want to get a guy’s attention, lose the bra. The imagination goes wild as the simple outline of a nipple or faint hint of the areola can cause the blood to rush to his… well, you know where.
Our coconuts come in all shapes and sizes. In fact, we have descriptive names for them. At the risk of losing some of my male readers (if the quote above wasn’t enough), here are a handful of descriptions:
Bell Shape - narrow top and round bottom.
Conical - cone-shaped rather than round.
Round - even fullness from top to bottom.
Teardrop - similar to the bell shaped, but fuller at the top.
Asymmetrical - two different sizes, sometimes by a whole cup size.
East West - nipples face in opposite directions
Side Set - wide space between breasts
A majority of men will claim they don’t care about the size, shape, color, or creed of breasts. As I previously mentioned, this isn’t to say they don’t have preferences. Women might think all guys prefer large peaks; however, in all my research into the subject, the evidence points to medium-sized mounds being the clear winner. Psychology Today’s article, Just How Important is Breast Size in Attraction, highlighted two studies: a 1968, and a somewhat more recent, 2013, study. The findings for both were essentially the same. Surveyed men found medium-sized breasts most attractive at 32.7%. Large breasts took Silver Place with 24.4%. Sorry, A-cups, they ranked last after extremely large boobs; men are pigs. What can I say?
Some may consider Megan Thee Stallion’s view of what a sexy woman looks like. In her song, Body, she let’s us know, “Body crazy, curvy, wavy, big titties, lil' waist.” To a certain extent, I agree. Who doesn’t appreciate the sexiness of an hourglass figure? But the reality is women come in all shapes and sizes—as do the preferences of their mates. What ultimately makes a woman sexy is her attitude, not her breasts or the shape of her body. Baring any superficial physical inclinations, what tops the list of attractiveness for most men is a woman’s confidence.
“Not all men, but men worth your time will find your self confidence the hottest thing about you. Not your size, or your looks. The love of yourself is what [men] will go crazy for.”
Greg Simmons, The Good Men Project
Regarding confidence (and my breasts), the girls and I have had an interesting upbringing. First there was puberty and the introduction to a bra. Throughout my teenage years, they continued to grow modestly. Around my twenties, they settled nicely into a C-cup bra. This is where things get interesting. I am a mother of three now grown kids. After each pregnancy, my breast would painfully swell to a triple D-cup. (Side note: breastfeeding is a supply and demand process—my kids were apparently VERY hungry.) In my thirties, and after deciding to close shop on the baby factory, my breasts hovered between a B and C-cup. When it comes to breasts, many variables can change the size: weight gain, weight loss, shifts in hormone levels, exercise, birth control, smoking, and menopause. That said, mine never returned to the fullness I experienced pre-pregnancy.
Commercial Break - Bra PSA
It occurred to me everyone may not understand what a woman’s actual bra size means; only that the further down the alphabet (B, C, D, etc.), the bigger the boobs. Allow me to give you a brief bra history lesson… no eye rolls, this is how we learn.
Brassiere (n) - brə-ˈzir : a woman's undergarment to cover and support the breasts.
Bras have evolved in concept over centuries. From the strips of cloth worn by women in ancient Greece to the classic bra design we have today, the bra has gone through drastic changes. They have been influenced by culture, fashion, and even by basic necessity. The first modern brassiere to receive a patent was invented in 1913 by a New York socialite named Mary Phelps Jacob. Ms. Jacob’s sheer evening gown didn’t hide the intricate design of her corset that poked out visibly under the material; and a bra is born! This was the beginning of the end for the corset—which wasn’t practical anyway because they were stiff and restricting. The Roaring Twenties introduced the bandeau; a simple rectangular piece of fabric worn tightly across the chest with two straps over the shoulders. Ida Rosenthal, a dressmaker, didn’t care for the androgynous looking, one-size-fits-all bandeau, so she and her husband gave birth to Maiden Form. She envisioned a brassiere that would enhance the nature shape of a woman’s breast.
In October 1932, S.H. Camp & Company created an alphabet-system to assess the size and shape of the breast, i.e., the cup size. This is also about the time we shortened brassiere to bra. Probably because people were constantly misspelling it, and also the word brasserie is French for brewery. You can start to see the confusion setting in—unless they meant milk-brew. Anyway, it was in 1947 that the man behind the famous Frederick’s of Hollywood, Frederick Mellinger, would introduce the first padded bra; closely followed by the push-up. In the following decades, we placed our round mounds into “bullet” bras, oddly enough were rather pointy (think Marilyn Monroe or any 1950s starlet). The materials used essentially caused this phenomena because after WWII, there was a severe metal shortage. The 70s introduced the sport’s bra as women’s fitness was on the rise and we needed the extra support for the jogging trail. This was also the decade when Roy Raymond couldn’t buy lingerie for his wife without feeling weird and negatively judged as a pervert by the sales clerks—so he created the Victoria’s Secret brand in 1977. No, his wife’s name isn’t Victoria. It’s an homage to Queen Victoria as the initial design scheme was the Victorian era. The stores were actually geared toward men so they would feel comfortable shopping for their wives; but it has since changed ownership and their target market is toward women.
Fast forward to present day; aside from design and style changes, the bra hasn’t seen any significant technological advancements in the past four decades. If there’s anything to be said about bra advances, women seem to be going with a more natural look by tossing out the underwires and push ups in exchange for bralettes. Perhaps we should call this a retro-bra era as we have essentially circled back to the first style bra created by Ms. Jacob.
My Cup Runneth Over
Now on to sizing up bras. We’ll start with an example size of 34B, which is pretty much average. The prefix 34 indicates the length of the band that goes around the body and hooks in the back—called the under-band. Meaning, it’s 34 inches under the bust and around the ribcage. The letter portion is the actual cup size. This is determined by the difference between the over-bust and under-bust measurement. For the over-bust, the tape measure should sit right on your breasts and go around your body. If you have a band size of 34 inches, and a bust size of 36, there’s a two-inch difference. The letter B is the second letter of the alphabet—hence 34B. This is why you can have one woman wear a 34B and another wear 42B—the band size is different, but the cup is the same. It’s both simple and complex because bra cup sizes range from AA to M.
What about those double-letters?
Excellent question! Although the measurements may indicate the woman wear a D-cup, the breast may have a more round shape, or have exceptional fullness (volume). Meaning, the breasts overflow in a D-cup, therefore a DD-cup will fit better as it provides a bit more space. Conversely, only the AA and AAA cups offer women with smaller breasts a more comfortable fit because the A-cup is too big. And, not all cup sizes have double, or even triple letters. Perhaps a chart with some examples will help:
Is you brain spinning yet?
Not to further confuse matters even more but when it comes to bra sizes, they can also vary based on the style, brand, or where you purchase them. I may go into Victoria’s Secret and the 34B bra fits perfectly; however at Target, my bra size may be 32C. Alternatively, at Victoria’s Secret, their Dream Angels bra may fit differently from their T-Shirt bra. This is referred to as “Sister Sizing” when you venture above or below your actual size. It’s estimated eighty-percent of women wear the incorrect bra size, with an overwhelming majority wearing a size that’s too small. This is why it’s so important to try on a bra before purchase. When ordering online, you can go by the size chart, but look to the reviews for comments from other buyers to see if it’s true-to-size. The correct bra size helps the bust look better in clothes, offers the support needed to avoid any discomfort, and prevents serious back pain in women with larger breasts
Honesty is the Breast Policy
So, as I mentioned, after my breastmilk bar closed down, the days where my zeppelins remained afloat on their own were long gone. I stared enviously at the women in magazines, movies, social media, and even porn videos; I wanted some nice round melons too. My husband wasn’t unhappy with my fun bags. In fact, he and my ladies were best friends. But for me, my entire body image was negatively affected with the look of my deflated breasts. To me, they lacked fullness, and there was an obvious variance in size between the two. Being naked was often uncomfortable and when having sex, my self-induced insecurity of my boobs was ever present in my mind. For many women, their breasts are an integral part of their confidence and how attractive they feel. Nothing kills the mood faster than when you are knee-deep in your own insecurities as your husband is fucking you. Deciding to get a breast augmentation was my choice. This issue wasn’t going to be remedied without a little help from a skilled plastic surgeon.
I have to admit, I was nervous about having any unnecessary surgical procedure. However, if I wanted to win the war of cup sizes with my breasts, I needed to call in reinforcements. So, I put on my big girl panties and made the call. It was time for a change—mentally and physically. Fortunately, after careful research and reading numerous reviews, I made the perfect surgeon selection. The task of selecting the implant size was my only challenge at that point. Looking at a photo of models whose breast you admire doesn’t mean those breasts will work on your body. And while I appreciated my husband’s input, we had two very different ideas on breast size. The most important aspect of getting the augmentation for me was that I didn’t want any indication that I actually got one. I wanted a size that worked with my body and looked natural.
The most recent statistics (2020) from the American Society of Plastic Surgeons (ASPS) show that 193,073 women had a breast augmentation for aesthetic purposes. It’s fifth in line for cosmetic surgical procedures after nose reshaping, eyelid surgery, facelift, and liposuction. No surprise it has been in the top five since 2006. To be fair, the statistics do indicate a 33% drop in breast augmentation in 2019—which is thought to be related to the number of practices closed due to Covid. By 2020, silicone implants (the kind I have) led the way with 84%, followed by a paltry performance of 16% for saline implants. The age group with the highest number of reported surgical cometic procedures is 40-54 years old. I fall squarely into that group having my breast augmentation in 2018 at the age of 47.
What’s that you ask? The difference between Silicone and Saline?
You should know that ALL breast implants have an outer shell made out of a non-reactive polymer called silicone. The shell surface is either smooth or textured, which your doctor can determine which is best for you. Smooth implants offer the movement of a natural breast, whereas textured implants allows for soft tissue to adhere to the surface ridges, keeping it more in place.
I’ll use the ASPS descriptions of saline and silicone:
Silicone gel is an inert polymer with no known human allergies, sensitivities or reactions. Like a gummy bear candy, the molecules are stuck to one another in a cohesive matrix. Silicone […] flows differently within its shell and can often create a more natural look and feel to the breast, like breast tissue.
Saline-filled implants are […] a silicone shell is inserted into the body and then filled to its desired volume […] with saline fluid. Saline has the consistency of water. Some saline implants have the advantage of being postoperatively adjustable.
The benefit of the silicon implants—as the description indicates—move more like a natural breast. ASPS also states, “Silicone gel breast implants are the most widely studied medical device in the history of medical devices.” With the saline implant, there is the chance that the folds of an implant might be seen or felt more often with thinner skin—this is known as implant "rippling" or “wrinkling.”
How the Breast Was Won
From beginning to end, my augmentation experience was fantastic—minus the pain, of course. After all, beauty sometimes requires sacrifice. I met with the my surgeon during the initial consult to discuss if I was a candidate for implants. If you are ill or have an infection, drink heavily, or are pregnant/breastfeeding, a qualified surgeon will not do the procedure. I posed for photos to create digital images that could be altered to get a better idea what various implant sizes looked like on me. He deemed it appropriate to make the incision point near the inframammary area (or the place where the breast and the chest meet). Some women’s bodies may not allow for this incision site, so they may have implants inserted in the periareolar (the areola), or transaxillary (the armpit area). Another important factor is whether the implant is placed above or below the muscle tissue, subglandular or submuscular, respectively. Mine is subglandular. Which option is best for you depends on several factors, including age, current breast anatomy, and even activity level. There are pros and cons for each of the placements, however, again, your surgeon will choose what’s right for your body.
His assistant went over the cost and process, and ordered a mammogram be completed before an appointment was made. This was to ensure no breast cancer was present or issues with fibrocystic lumps. After the results were in, I met with the nurse to determine the exact implant size I wanted. We reviewed the previous digital images—which was key in making the size decision. I selected 500 ccs for my left breast and 475 ccs for my right (approx. 1 lb. each). This worked out in my favor as I can now honestly take two pounds off the scale every morning! Bonus!
At the conclusion of this second consult, a surgery date was booked. In two-weeks, I would have new boobies. I have to say I was anxious up until the day I got to the office. The nursing staff eased my mind as they got me prepped. This included a snazzy hospital gown, fancy compression pantyhose, and an IV drip. By the time I laid my head down on the operating table, I was already being woken to go home. It took about thirty-minutes from start to finish, giving my husband little time to return from getting coffee at Starbucks. When I opened my eyes I immediately felt an intense pain in my chest—crying was instantaneous. I probably looked like a baby whose toy was snatched from her hand. The nurse simply smiled, and went about her business of getting my clothes while telling me “It’ll be okay.”
I was told to bring my pain meds the surgeon prescribed with me so I could take one after the surgery. My husband was resisting the urge to burn the office down with everyone inside it since they “hurt” me. He’s protective that way. But he kept it together and handed me my pill. The nurse gave me water to wash it down, and crackers since I needed to have something in my stomach when taking the medication. All I could do was cry, which was muffled only when I drank the water. I was in a lot of pain. It felt like someone poured boiling oil on my chest and hired Mike Tyson to punch it. I woke up already fitted with a special bra, which was place over my bandages; but I don’t remember getting dressed. My husband probably drove about 20 miles per hour on the freeway, avoiding any pebbles on the road. I sat hunched over my uneaten cracker, still sobbing relentlessly. The pain meds kicked in half way home and I calmed down enough to nibble on the cracker like a timid mouse. I can’t even imagine how pathetically sad I looked.
Once we arrived home, my husband assisted me up the stairs as if I was a 95 year-old woman because, well… I was moving slow like one. The pain was moderate by then and all I wanted to do was lay down. That darling man of mine carefully arranged pillows on the bed in the shape of a lounge chair and settled me in. He was the best nurse I have ever encountered thus far in my life. That evening, after-care dictated that I walk around a bit. To say that each step was uncomfortable is an understatement. The next day, my husband reminded me I was to supposed start trying to raise my arms to work out the muscles. I may have raised them almost an inch before an emphatic, “Nope! Not gonna happen,” was blurted out.
I had to wait 24-hours to shower—which was fine with me as the little I had to move, the better. I wasn’t in pain so much as apprehensive about causing any undue suffering. My chest never again hurt like it did when I awoke from surgery; and not just because I was popping pain meds. That said, after the first full day, I really only needed half a pill to dull the discomfort, and a whole one for sleeping. The bra the doctor provided was essentially all I wore those first two weeks. It clasped in the front, so removing it for my much needed shower was easy. My husband carefully removed the bandages for our first glimpse of my new breasts. They were prominent, firm, and not at all what I envisioned. In fact, it seemed foreign to look down and see a full set of breasts. We both just stared at them, alternating our gaze to see reactions on each other’s face. They looked like fake tits!
Fortunately, it was already explained that the swelling would subside and the implants would settle into their new homes like happy neighbors. There was a list of instructions that included how to change the dressings and how I should sleep for the first week. The list also included the things not to do. Such as:
Don’t wear an underwire bra the first month.
Don’t do any heavy lifting or stretching the first month.
Don’t drink alcohol the first week or while taking pain meds.
Don’t allow the incisions to be suntanned for the first six months.
Don’t have any sexual activity the first week and cautiously resume thereafter.
We broke that last rule on the third day. My husband, however, was most careful—hornier than ever, but careful. After the first week I was to start massaging my new boobs for at least fifteen-minutes a day. Naturally, my husband volunteered for the task but I handled the massaging for the first couple of weeks. This part is crucial as it helps prevent scar tissue from forming. This could cause your implants to not move as naturally as intended. It’s also important to ensure they don’t get hard; if they do, let the doctor know immediately. Over time, the girls softened up and relaxed. Given that it’s been almost four years, I can’t say exactly when they finally settled into the beauties they now are. My best guess is about four months. I saw the surgeon five days after the surgery, and two weeks after that. The six month check up is the final follow-up appointment. He and I were both pleased with the results. Each surgeon is different, but mine likes to schedule an annual check-up on my lovelies to make sure they are in good health and nothing has shifted or changed. I am happy to report they are in excellent health.
Breast Friends Forever
To this day, I remain happy with my decision get the augmentation (now DD, by the way). I really love how my overall body looks now that they are apart of me. The incision scar, which is a small line at the base of each breast, has healed and barely visible. Regarding sexuality, my confidence levels were raised exponentially—hence my becoming a creator on OnlyFans. Let’s not discount the ease in having boob-sex now. Men are visual creatures ,and nothing is more cum-inducing than for him to see his penis hugged between your breasts. Grab the body oil and generously coat your breasts to make sliding back-n-forth easier. A word of caution though, those alleged beauty benefits of semen facials are negated when sperm gets in your eyes. Keep ever-vigilant for incoming shots!
With that in mind, let me take a moment to share a few ways to get sexually stimulated with the twin peaks.
Girls Gone Wild
There are a variety of sexcapades to have with our lovely lady lumps. They provide some erotic and intense foreplay, and sometimes, they are just fun to do. The sensations felt travel to the same place in our brain as the vaginal area when stimulated. The release of dopamine and oxytocin (among other hormones) essentially creates an extended orgasm in our brain.
Cupping breasts - Gently holding and caressing the breasts is deeply arousing, especially if you’re standing behind her. The warmth of your hands and body pressed against her, plus the feel of your cock rising to the occasion will send shivers down the spine all the way to her…
Nipple play - There are many ways to sexually tease the nips! One is with your mouth by gently sucking the nipples; or your tongue by licking or flicking it back and forth across the tip. Be sure to extend that tongue play to other parts of the breast—the under and side boob also want attention. No biting unless we tell you to, but a little nibble does the body good. Pinching them between your thumb and forefinger is also intensely stimulating. This will require feedback from her as the pressure you use will vary depending on the sensitivity of her nipples; every woman is different.
Nipple Clamps - There are numerous ways to accessorize the nipples. We have a variety of adjustable clamps with or without chains, and vibrating clamps, to choose from. Try the bulb-style nipple suckers that use a gentle suction to keep those nips teased with increased circulation. Clamps are designed to pinch the nipple, restricting blood flow. They can cause enormous pleasure when they are removed, resulting in a zesty-tingling sensation.
Temperature/textile play - Something cold or hot can send a shock through the system, especially on a sensitive area like the nipples. Put an ice cube in your mouth, or drink some hot tea—use your tongue to draw circles around the areola. Mints work well, too! Watch as her back arches and the goose pimples form. Other ways to tease the tatas are to use feathers, teasingly brushed across the nipple and breast. Buy body paint and bring out the paintbrushes—there’s a Bob Ross in all of us. Let us not forget tasty treats like chocolate syrup or whipped cream—sounds messy, but it’s deliciously fun!
Motor-boating - place your face in her cleavage, shaking it back and forth while making a revving sound by vibrating your lips together. This may sound like frat boy antics, but it can be a way to have a little fun and laughter with sex play. It will provide a sense of comfort and closeness.
All tantalizing ideas to spice up your sex life and there are many more to discover together. It’s sexually intoxicating for both parties but it’s important to not get overzealous. Rushing tends to get aggressive quickly—unless that’s the idea you both agreed upon. Women aren’t any different from men when it comes to rough play. There isn’t one rule across the board for everyone. It’s important to communicate with your partner, sharing each other’s needs and find what feels good for both of you.
The Titty Gritty
Getting a breast implants may not be for every woman. However, I can tell you from my experience, I’m grateful I did. If you do your research in choosing the right surgeon, there’s no reason to fear your girls will look obviously fake or be hard bricks on your chest. A good surgeon won’t let that happen. My husband’s hands have touched numerous boobs of all sizes, including the “fake” ones. He happily asserts mine feel extremely natural. Just so you know, he is brutally honest and wouldn’t hesitate to tell me if they didn’t. I appreciate the honesty, but his straightforward truthfulness is the reason I never pose the question “Does this outfit make me look fat?”
Keep in mind, surgical procedures, breast or otherwise, aren’t something any woman, (or man for that matter) should go into lightly. Don’t let negative outside influences make the decision for you. It’s your body and you should feel happy with how it looks. Statistics show a high percentage of women elect cosmetic surgery to feel better about themselves; and/or look better naked. Of the women surveyed, seventy percent reported having a better sex life after making the decision.
Alternatively, if you are pleased with your natural breasts as they are, that is fantastic! There is definitely no reason to alter what you already deem as perfect. A positive self-image is extremely important. It greatly assists in maintaining a healthy relationship with our partners. Take ownership in your sexuality and your confidence will reward you for it. And if you learned anything by reading this article, it should be this: confidence is sexy.