Curveballs and Love Calls
And Other Ways Baseball Sparks Romance
Ever find yourself watching a movie and imagining how you’d handle the situations the characters are facing? In the moment, we often have strong reactions—either rooting for or against their choices. Yet, when stepping back and giving it some thought, our perspective may change. Let’s dive into the genre of romance. Personally, I’ve never been a big fan of romantic comedies. Their familiar formulas tend to feel predictable, offering a one-size-fits-all idea of love. Too often, they paint an unrealistic picture, glossing over the complexities and effort that real relationships require.
With my life experiences, I’ve come to prefer stories that feel more authentic—ones that don’t sugarcoat relationships. I get that ‘comedy’ is part of the genre’s name, and the humor is often meant to be a playful exaggeration of real life. I did find a gem in When Harry Met Sally where Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan bring Harry and Sally to life in a way that feels genuine. I love how their connection grows over time, evolving naturally rather than through an instant spark. Harry’s blunt cynicism counters Sally’s quirky confidence and meticulous attention to detail—especially when it comes to food. They’re not perfect, but their conversations feel real to me.
A favorite movie I hadn’t realized fell into the rom-com genre is Bull Durham (1988). The film revolves around the Bulls, a minor league baseball team based in Durham, North Carolina. Kevin Costner portrays Crash Davis, the aging catcher, and Tim Robbins plays Nuke Laloosh, the young and talented pitcher. Susan Sarandon is Annie Savoy, a baseball enthusiast/groupie who carefully selects one baseball player as a lover every season.
Initially, Annie is interested in both men and starts scouting to see who will make the final roster. Crash, not wanting to be part of her draft pick process, bows out—offended that he’s up against Nuke as competition. As the baseball season unfolds, the lives of these three individuals intertwine in a humorous balancing act.
What I initially saw as more of a sports comedy actually highlights a variety of relationship situations worth thinking about. I will venture to say that a majority of men aren’t usually fans of romantic comedies; however, they are often fans of sports. Bull Durham cleverly intertwines the love of baseball with romance to appeal to both men and women.
On that note, baseball euphemisms for relationships and sex are universally recognized and have been around for nearly a century. If you think about it, this gave baseball a cultural influence that went beyond the field and made these references easily understood—even by those who aren’t fans of the sport.
Getting to First/Second/Third Base: Physical intimacy in stages
Playing the Field: Dating multiple people.
Striking Out: Rejection or a date that doesn’t go well.
Stepping Up to the Plate: Taking a chance for love.
While my goal isn’t to use baseball as a relationship tool, I want to explore the crafty way Bull Durham reveals a couple situations that can resonate with our own personal experiences.
Out of Left Field
When someone says or does something in the relationship that is unexpected.
Scene: While having sex, Annie accidentally calls Nuke by Crash’s name.
Annie: “Crash, that was fabulous.”
Nuke: “Crash? You mean Nuke. You said Crash.”
Annie: “No, honey, I said Nuke.”
Nuke: “You said Crash.”
Annie: “Oh, no. Listen, sweetheart. You shouldn’t listen to what a woman says when she’s in the throes of passion. They say the darndest things.”
Nuke: “Yeah, you said Crash.”
Annie: “Honey, would you rather I be making love to him using your name or making love to you using his name?”
Quite the question to consider, right?
Although Nuke laughingly agrees with her logic, anyone else may have gotten angry, became suspicious, or develop insecurities about the relationship. All very valid feelings. Although Annie does hold sexual desires for Crash, this isn’t always the reason with everyone who makes this mistake. There are various schools of thought about why this mishap occurs. My objective is to broaden your mind to have a constructive conversation with your partner should this happen.
The name uttered in the throws of passion is what’s important, right? How about hearing an ex-lover’s name from your partner? Although it’s a person they had a sexual relationship with, in all probability, they don’t secretly want to get back with their ex. During intense emotional moments, the brain may recall related memories, especially if the current experience resembles past experiences. This may sometimes lead to accidentally saying an ex-lover’s name due to the brain’s associative processes. Our brain forms connections based on familiar patterns, particularly during moments of distraction. Such an error isn’t necessarily linked to an unconscious wish, but more likely a harmless memory mix-up caused by overlapping associations in the mind.
What about a random person’s name?
Sigmund Freud, the founding father of psychoanalysis, believed repressed desires were primarily sexual in nature; and that mistaken slips of the tongue reveal our true thoughts or feelings on an unconscious level. That the unconscious mind is the vault where fantasies are stored. The reality is that most of us have sexual fantasies about other people when having sex. It may be a celebrity, neighbor, or coworker—whoever you think is sexually attractive.
Do they consume your thoughts? Probably not, yet the fantasy has taken place and gets stored away in the subconscious. The key word is fantasy and not necessarily one you want to make a reality.
Carl Jung, founding father of analytical psychology. believed that repressed desires could encompass a range of needs that society or the conscious mind might deem unrealistic. He thought a desire for someone might also symbolize qualities or characteristics we admire or long to cultivate within ourselves.
With Jung in mind, your wife may admire her coworker, Danny, who always has a remarkable instincts, connecting flawlessly with every client. You husband may respect your neighbor, Becca, who runs everyday—rain or shine—wanting that discipline for himself. Both instances are not sexual in nature, and if you believe Jung’s theory, it’s totally plausible one of these names may accidentally be blurted out during sex.
How many times have you said something or mentioned someone unrelated to the conversation and say, “Where did that come from? I wasn’t even thinking about them!”
I know this is all a HUGE stretch, but human nature could very well allow for it to happen.
While this has never happened to me, I can only imagine how I’d feel if my husband said another woman’s name during sex. My immediate response would probably be, “What did you just say, fucker?” I don’t know if I’d really be that angry, yet it might depend on whose name he said. Fortunately, we have a high-level of trust in one another because we have worked diligently on that aspect of our marriage. It may very well be your partner is harboring a secret desire, and it doesn’t mean you should be upset if it happens. The key is to have the difficult conversation and work through the situation.
Curveball
A surprising twist in a relationship or discovering something unexpected about your partner.
Scene: Annie is giving Nuke her garter belt to wear during the game while he pitches. (In the original script, it was a pair of panties.)
Annie: I want you to wear these on the road trip when you pitch.
Nuke: What?
Annie: They'll fit snugly against your balls in such a wonderful way that you'll start seeing things differently—plus they'll remind you of me which is better than thinking about those nasty hitters.
Nuke: Jesus, Annie, I don't know --
Annie: You've been pitching out of the wrong side of your brain. These'll help move things to the right side.
In this instance, Annie is trying to get Nuke’s mind off the anxiety of his game performance. What we wear is proven to affect our mood while influencing our confidence and success. In Nuke’s situation, it’s both a distraction and a means of feeling close to Annie—even though it takes him a while to actually wear the garter.
A man putting on women’s panties can be both kinky and sexy. Whether they continue to wear them on a regular basis is another conversation. There’s no reason to fear kink as you probably have numerous things that turn you on without realizing they’re considered kinky. Understanding how your kink develops and what you get out of it are key steps toward normalizing an integral aspect of human sexuality.
Kink is defined as consensual, non-traditional sexual behaviors such as BDSM, erotic roleplaying, and even using sex toys—anything that deviates from conventional “vanilla” sex. Although having a fetish falls under the kink umbrella, a kink is sometimes used to spice things up, whereas a having a fetish means the activity or item is required for sexual gratification. For some, simply fantasizing about the fetish can be enough while others may need to actually engage with the object or behavior in some way.
In all actuality, being kinky is subjective. One person may have sex with the lights on, whereas another thinks that’s too bold. Dirty talk while engaging in sex or being loud when you climax might be too uncomfortable for someone else. A vast amount of activity in the bedroom could be considered kinky, but most don’t think of it that way—it’s considered routine for them. Finding a like-minded or accepting partner, is essential in normalizing a person’s kink. It’s also not always about sex, but enhancing intimacy.
Covering All the Bases
Ensuring all aspects of a relationship are nurtured, from emotional to physical needs.
Scene: Crash and Nuke are sitting on a couch facing Annie. She is explaining how she will select her lover for the baseball season. Crash questions why she gets to choose rather than it being his option to choose her.
Annie: Actually none of us on this planet ever really choose each other. It’s all quantum physics and molecular attraction. There are laws we don’t understand that bring us together and break us apart.
Annie suggests that love and connection might be less about deliberate choice and more about the mysterious forces of our universe—kismet, if you will. It’s a poetic idea, implying that the bonds we form are guided by something greater than ourselves.
Regardless of what you believe brought you and your partner together, it’s undeniable that your personal experiences greatly influence who you are. Everything from your beliefs and work ethic to the way you handle relationships shapes the way you connect with someone. These things don’t just affect you as an individual—they influence how you grow and navigate life together as a couple.
A part of that journey are discussions about preferences in the bedroom. This is a time to be open and honest, which is essential for a healthy relationship. To ease any awkwardness or pressure, it’s best to have these conversations outside of intimate moments. Share what you gives you pleasure, what you’re unsure about, and what you’d rather avoid. It’s natural to fear judgment, but holding back means you’re not being your authentic self.
Everyone deserves pleasure, and while that looks different for each person, having a partner who’s willing to listen and engage in the conversation is key. If they seem receptive, start small—try one or two things to gauge their comfort level and build trust. Physical intimacy is an important part of relationships, and honest communication will only strengthen your connection.
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