Sexual freedom is something we all want but can’t easily talk about. Why is that? Simply put: We don’t want the embarrassment of being judged. However, exploration of any type requires trust, communication, and openness. Furthermore, it helps tremendously to have a healthy dose of imagination, creativity, and a willingness to try new things.
Do you know what your turn-ons are?
My turn-on can be as simple as a passionate kiss; but, sex doesn’t always have to be about romance. It can also be frisky and adventurous. With something as natural as sex, why not find ways to keep it stimulating?
Fortunately, I am married to someone who never makes me feel ashamed for what I like. There’s nothing more freeing and there’s no embarrassment—ever. In both of our previous relationships, we both felt sexually muted. So, during the six-years leading up to our marriage, we got to know each other very intimately. One of the ways we learned about each other’s sexual desires (and misadventures) was to discuss everything about our past sex lives—in great detail. By sharing, we were able to filter out what we truly enjoyed and set our focus on how to please—not only each other—but ourselves.
As an OnlyFans creator, I encouraged every fan to express their sexual desires without fear of judgement. It may be surprising for you to learn that it was normal for fans to unburden their personal frustrations in the bedroom through DMs or emails to me. Many of them shared how their partners were completely unaware of what turned them on and most felt they couldn’t discuss their sexual needs with them. Often, there is an inherent feeling of embarrassment and shame that prevents approaching the topic of sexual desires and fantasies.
Why?
Self-preservation.
“What if she thinks I am a freak?” … “What if he thinks I am a slut?”
This is how I became the keeper of sexual desires. My OnlyFans wasn’t just a place for me to experiment sexually; it was also a safe place for my fans to express themselves in a way they couldn’t in their real lives. I would, sometimes in vain, encourage communication between my fan and their partner. However, some just couldn’t bring themselves to disrupt the status quo of their relationship.
Why is there such a stigma associated with talking about sex?
Perhaps our society is pressured by religious rules that are rooted in archaic principles of so-called morality. Remember, there were times when women did not have a say in most everyday conversations. To further this point, the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy defines Morality as, “A code of conduct that is put forward by a society, group, or individual.” Furthermore, it goes on to state, “Sometimes there is no distinction made between a moral code and a code of conduct put forward by a religion, and there is often a considerable overlap in the conduct prohibited…”
I am not here to wage war on religion. It obviously has its place in today’s society, and for some, religion is their entire life. But with the multitudes of religious doctrines in the world today, an argument can be made that sex in only for procreation… nothing more. I don’t know about you, but I’m not buying that.
I appreciate the personal risk when discussing sex openly, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Sex is natural and we experience higher levels of well-being when we have a satisfying sex life. This isn’t something we should be self-conscious or intimidated about, especially with our partners. And, it sure shouldn’t be feared as a one-way trip to Hell.
Be spontaneous and try new things. If you don’t like it, try altering something… or try something else. Think about a conversation you would have about dinner with your partner:
Your partner — “This meatloaf is good but it’s missing something.”
You — “Maybe it needs a ball gag and ropes?”
Your partner — “What???”
You — “What?”
Learn by trial and error—and be comfortable with who you are, and what you want sexually.