As an OnlyFans creator, my day would start much like most peoples’ day… with a cup of coffee. I would take my coffee to my patio where I would sit and watch the neighbor kids walk to school as their parents drove off to work. My mind would contemplate how they would react knowing that my day would soon be filled with taking nude photos, shooting sex videos, and talking dirty to people who paid a monthly fee for my time. There is nothing about my appearance or demeanor that indicated what I did for a living. I was just the friendly neighbor who smiled and waved as you passed by.
There was a time when the idea of taking nude photos for money wasn’t even a thought in my head. This isn’t to say we didn’t take photos just for us; however, that isn’t the same thing, is it? The reality is that what I’m posting for fans is mostly a lie. I don’t lounge around in revealing lingerie while I’m reading a book or scantily clad making breakfast. Nor do I typically wear a shirt so tight that my breasts are trying to break free. Perhaps it isn’t really a lie but it is definitely all an act. It’s a role that I played to sell content… and the fans couldn’t get enough.
A subscribing fan would see a photo of me lying on my bed in a sheer top, gray panties, and a fake cigarette between my fingers. I rarely, if ever, smoke inside my home—but the illusion of me smoking in bed was a fan favorite. The image is incredibly seductive—me looking into the camera with my best come-hither stare. I was selling the illusion that should they walk in my door, that’s how they’d find me. What they didn’t realize is that once the photo shoot is complete, I’d get dressed in my favorite t-shirt and comfy shorts.
It takes a positive self-image, along with a hefty dose of confidence, to take revealing or completely nude photos. That doesn’t come easy for a lot of people. I didn’t always look at my body and see beauty (and there’s still work to be done with letting go and ignoring the little imperfections). However, deep down I know that there’s no need to feel that way, and I like what I see in the mirror. Perfection is unattainable; self-love priceless.
Self-love is usually the victim of our own criminal behavior. The crime scene? Our mirrors; our closet; and every photoshopped magazine cover of our favorite celebrity. The illusion has even spread to social media. We all know these photos are edited but we still crave that perfection. There are filters to smooth out skin, brighten eyes, and change every little thing about our features that we probably couldn’t afford in real life. Fuller lips? Smaller forehead? Hair color? There’s an app for that. I’m definitely not saying I haven’t used them, but it has always been important to me to keep changes subtle.
I want to differentiate between self-image, self esteem, and self-confidence as they do not always go hand-in-hand.
Self-image - The idea, conception, or mental image we have of ourselves. This is based on our perceptions of reality. It is built over our lifetime and changes as we do.
Self-esteem - An overall sense of respect for ourselves; it includes how feel about ourselves whether it be favorable or unfavorable.
Self-confidence - A trust in oneself and what you’re capable of; your aptitude to rise to new challenges and seize opportunities.
There are ways to improve your self-image (and self-love) by thinking about things you admire about yourself, skills, and achievements. Consider the times you overcame adversity or helped others. It doesn’t matter how small you perceive these things to be; focusing on the positive can only enhance how you see yourself.
You don’t have to post revealing photos to improve your self-image. For me, it was an exercise that helped influence a more positive view I had of myself. It was the fear of being vulnerable that I had to overcome. So in the end, I decided to push my own boundaries by putting myself in a vulnerable position—becoming an OnlyFans Creator. My thinking was if I like what I see in the mirror, others might as well; and why not make a little cash at the same time?