Giving Head. Sucking Dick. Polishing the Knob. Rockin’ The Mike. Blowies. Face Time. Honking the Bo-Bo. Giving a Lewinski. Slurp The Gherkin. Giving Dome. Beejer. Hummers. Knob Job…
Is it any wonder women shy away from wanting to be known as a ‘cum guzzler?’
Excluding the previously mentioned terms of sucking a man’s cock, two terms have generally risen to the top to describe this sexual act: fellatio and blow job. The term fellatio isn’t too big of a stretch to comprehend; it is a Latin-derived term. It is from the Latin word, “fellatus,” which means “to suck.” Blow job, on the other hand, requires some investigation to understand its origins.
Where do I start?
I believe the first thing that should be said is the term is actually in official dictionaries. However, there is much discussion on whether the word in a one-word term or two: blow job vs. blowjob. Not that this truly matters when a woman is pleasuring you; however, this portion of the article is about using the big head for now. Simmer down, we will get to the good stuff in a bit. Currently, the American Heritage prefers blowjob (but also lists its two-word variant). Webster’s New World prefers the two words (but, again, doesn’t leave out the previously mentioned blowjob as acceptable usage). Lastly, the ol’ reliable Merriam-Webster prefers blow job—without the aforementioned variant. So, I guess like the act itself, it’s all in what you prefer. Now that we have that settled, why in the world is it called a blow job if there is no blowing involved? In fact, the word seem paradoxical since the act involves sucking rather than blowing.
Referencing the three-volume Green’s Dictionary of Slang (GDOS)—a multivolume dictionary defining and providing the history of English slang from around the Modern English period to the present day—traces the noun phrase, “blow,” back to the late 1940s, when it appeared in an underground comic strip featuring Whittaker Chambers and Alger Hiss. Ironically, the term “Blow job” was used in another comic strip in 1982. The cartoonist, Stan Mack, used the term in his Real Life Funnies (“All dialogue guaranteed verbatim”). This begs the question, “What in the hell is going on in the Comic world that I am missing??”
The noun phrase “blow job” may be relatively recent, but the use of the verb “blow” in a sexual sense is much older—dating back to the 1600s when GDOS states it meant “to bring to orgasm.” Interestingly enough, the use of the verb “blow” in the sense of fellatio or cunnilingus didn’t appear in writing until the 1930s, according to the slang dictionary. Controversially, the first published reference is from a book by Nell Kimball, titled, “Her Life as an American Madam.” Mr. Kimball writes, “The Greek contractor wanted me to blow him in the bundle room.” The controversy surrounding this doesn’t come from the language but rather when the book was written. It was originally published in 1970, however GDOS dates its writing circa 1930s. Regardless, I think that’s enough history and etymology for now. We can all agree most men couldn’t give a shit what the act is called, and most women prefer it didn’t exist—or do they? Let’s check the stats for clues!
If you Google, “Do women like giving blow jobs,” the search engine will return about 123,000,000 results in 0.57 seconds (Internet speeds may vary depending on your connection). Googling “Blowjob Surveys” returns will be around ~4,470,000 results in 0.40 seconds. What does this tell me? A lot of people are discussing blow jobs. I am not a true believer of surveys. Results are intrinsically linked on the mood of those being surveyed at the time; more on that in a moment. However, one stat did get my attention. It comes from uncoveringintimacy.com. The question was a simple one:
“Who performs oral sex more often?”
Wives say:
I do (40%)
He does (27%)
Same (33%)
Husbands say:
I do (47%)
She does (26%)
Same (26%)
The author, Jay Dee, stated, “I’m not sure what to do with this. Do we attribute the ‘I do more often' to flawed memory (we always think we do the bulk of the work), or to a sex-positive pool of respondents? Perhaps both.” I personally agree with Mr. Dee’s assumption here. We tend to think we initiate sex (or in this case, oral sex) more than our partner. This, I can tell you from experience, causes great resentment to the other party. Feeling like you are begging for sex really sucks (no pun intended). Sex is an integral part of a relationship. Anyone telling you otherwise has resigned to a life of their partner’s wishes or selling something. Don’t buy into this bullshit.
I definitely don’t want this article to turn heavy with percentages or statistics. The bottom line is this: some women are sometimes into blow jobs, and sometimes they are not. Like any other sex act out there, how women feel about giving blow jobs is often dependent on their mood at the time. My wife frequently states, “If I gave you a blow job every day for a week, you’d still want more.” My response never waivers, “Well, let’s test that theory!” Bluff called. She folds. My point is made but I still lost the game. How? I had the winning cards. How did I still lose? Because I won the argument but lost the war. I am not going to sit here, lie, and say she never goes down on me. Could it be with greater frequency? For me, absolutely! For her, she would say something like, “Yea, blow jobs aren’t as frequent as he would like. I do when the mood strikes me.” And there’s that word again: mood.
As defined, mood is a temporary state of mind or feeling. If you reread that last sentence, you will notice the word temporary sitting very comfortably (and ambiguously) right in the middle of the definition. How long, exactly, is temporary? Temporary is subjective; it is absent of duration or length of time that can be measured. I understand why it’s there; it’s used to signify the absence of permanence. However, if you want to expand that thought even further, one could, with all honesty, say life is temporary. I know I broke off on a tangent here but words matter. Actions matter. And neither should hide behind an ambiguous term like temporary. Despite what you think, mood—those all encompassing temporary feelings—can become permanent if you don’t recalibrate your headspace and take actionable measures. How does one do that? By practicing Mindfulness Meditation. “Wait, you want me to meditate while giving my husband a blow job? Are you serious??” Yes and no. Practice mindful meditation outside of sexual activity to train your mind to deal with intrusive thoughts popping up during the course of having sex (oral or otherwise.)
Headspace.com helps in this area. Its website states,
“[…] research also found that meditation can help with a range of sexual problems, including low libido and erectile dysfunction. Another published study examined the effects of sex mindfulness in particular, and found those who were more aware of the present moment during sex had higher levels of sexual satisfaction.”
We have plans to publish an article on Mindful Meditation and Sex in the future. Until then, please check out headspace.com to learn more. My wife and I have experience with this app and agree it has helped us tremendously in maintaining focus in and outside of the bedroom. This is strictly a recommendation. We are not being compensated in any way by mentioning this service or company.
Speaking of mindset, a man’s mind works a bit differently when it comes to blow jobs. Basically, we fall into one of two camps:
We will typically take a blow job anywhere at anytime—regardless if the woman is into it or not; or
We want our partner to be into it… to want to do it; to be that dirty girl who can’t control her desires to please us.
I firmly fall into the second camp. Men are visual creatures. We want to see the desire coming from a female who wants to please us. Most men can tell if a woman’s desire is present or if they are phoning it in. And nothing takes the mood out of a person faster than seeing your partner performing obligatory sexual acts such as blow jobs.
Women are unique beings. They live most of their time in the emotional world. This is not to say they are basket cases or explosive sticks of TNT that need to be handled with care. They typically require sensuality and foreplay to get in the mood. From a guy’s stand point, blow jobs squarely fall into the foreplay category. While this is a debated subject between the genders; it’s safe to say, guys, blowjobs are not the droids women are looking for when it comes to foreplay—at least not initially. So real question is: are blow jobs foreplay? Before we address the question, let’s discuss what foreplay is and how it differs between the sexes.
By definition, foreplay is well-known as “the sexual acts or behaviors prior to penetrative intercourse or sex,” says sexologist Tanya Bass, PhD. Think: kissing, touching, texting, eye contact, etc.
“Wait… I thought foreplay was a physical thing. I’m confused.”
That’s perfectly all right to be confused. For many, foreplay is about physical touch. There are numerous articles written on the act of foreplay that share where and how to touch the other person to enhance their sexual arousal. But, as I said, while foreplay can be about kissing, cuddling and the like, it’s not solely based in the physical realm. Remember guys, we are dealing with far superior beings gender. Listen up. “Foreplay is about creating a mood that is conducive to being physical and wanting sex,” says sex therapist Madeline Cooper, LCSW, CST. "Making sure that your relationship is incorporating sexually arousing moments outside of the moments right before sex is just as important as the sex itself.” By now, you should be familiar with that reoccurring word mood. You would have probably read right over it had I not bolded it. Foreplay can include anything and everything to get her in that temporary state of mind or feeling to be receptive to sex.
Simply put, you have to put in the effort. A breeze could blow the right way causing you to get an erection and subsequently want to fuck. It doesn’t work that way for women. They are way more mature than us, and operate on a whole different system. We still flip hot food with our fingers, smell our underwear to see if they can be worn again, and never wonder about the status of our toe nail trimmings. Women should really out-populate us 10:1. But as it stands, we run about even in population. Luck is definitely working overtime with the male gender. Back to my point…
Men, you need to put in the time to get a woman in the mood. A few candles, maybe a massages, a little Marvin Gaye or Otis Redding playing in the background, have dinner plans for her, and for the love of God, compliment her! In my experience, they aren’t looking for much. Because, well, they know the score. We are, at times, mentally handicapped and emotional inept. Foreplay sets the right mood to get her interested in doing things for you, i.e. blow jobs. Even coming up short but showing effort counts most time.
And women, you can achieve sexual satisfaction making a guy cum via a blow job if you’re in the correct mindset. What do I mean by this? Knowing you turned it on and made a guy cum with your actions and techniques gives you a sense of satisfaction and sexual confidence. One thing to keep in mind though is the myth that every blow job will result in an ejaculation from a man. We actually have thoughts going through our (big) head as well. Guys can have intrusive thoughts enter our minds during a blow job that will interfere with our ejaculation.
This has happened to me on multiple occasions, resulting in me telling my wife, “I’m sorry, it’s just not going to happen.” Her initial response used to be that I’m dissatisfied with her skills and she isn’t doing it for me (meaning simulating me sexually). However, through conversation, she understands that our minds aren’t so different after all. And she, herself, has random thoughts that consume her attention during sex.
According to TheHealthSite.com, some women avoid giving blow jobs for the following reasons:
Lack of hygiene: Since you pass a lot of body fluids from that zone, your pelvic area is prone to bad odor. If your hygiene standards are low and you can't be bothered with shaving your pubes, do not be surprised if a woman refuses to go south on you.
Guys, there is no excuse in not washing… period. There are even after-shower products you can use to keep your manliness smells fresh and clean throughout the day. Research it; use them. Also, I know this probably goes against everything you have been taught about being a man’s man but for the love of God, manscape. There is nothing worse than having a mouthful of pubic hair (women or men). You don’t have to shave it all off, but a trim every now and then makes for a more inviting area.
Gag reflex: Imagine stuffing something your mouth so much so that even your throat feels gagged. Not a very pleasant feeling, right? A lot of women don’t mind giving a hand job while sucking just on the tip of a penis, but if you want to shove the whole thing in a woman's mouth, you won't find many contenders.
This is another understandable reason. And the author of this particular article claims (unnamed but credit goes to the Editorial Team), the use of hands help mitigate the gag reflex for women. I can’t speak for every guy out there, but we don’t care if you use your hands and mouth while giving us a blow job. In fact, I would say most of us prefer the combination of stroking while pleasuring our cock in your mouth. Never have I once actively (and repeatedly) thrusted my cock into a woman’s mouth as if I was engaged in vaginal intercourse. Nor does my wife bob up and down on my penis when giving me a blow job. Forget the whole concept of “fucking her mouth,” unless she asks for that.
Swallowing the cum: Many women do not fancy swallowing the cum, so it’s s a pretty sticky situation if you wish to cum in your girl's mouth. Your girl probably won't mind giving you a blowjob to jumpstart things, but wanting to cum in her mouth could be pushing it.
This is where you start to lose me. Yes, it is hot to cum in a woman’s mouth, on her face, or her breasts. However, she doesn’t need to swallow if she doesn’t want to. She can even state during the act itself, “Cum on my tits! I want to see you cum on my tits!” At the end of the day, if we are getting a blow job from a woman who’s into it, we honestly don’t worry about the details of where we are going to cum. There are ways to signal each other during the act that won’t take away from the experience. If my wife is giving me a blow job, I know when I am about to cum. It typically isn’t a surprise. I will tell her, “I’m about to cum!” This gives her a three to five second head start to solidify her decision on where she wants that to go. Sometimes she will take it in her mouth, sometimes on her tits, and if I am laying down, she will keep jerking me off until I finish on my stomach. She’s rarely, if ever, surprised; and the decision is hers. Occasionally, I make a request, and sometimes it's honored and sometimes not. Again… mood.
It's too tiring: One woman says that giving a blowjob is too tiring, and her jaw and cheeks feel sore later.
I’m going to throw out a typical male response here: practice makes progress. Do you honestly think our tongue doesn’t get tired while trying to get you to orgasm? It does. There are multiple techniques to mitigate this. Using your hands (as mentioned above) is one. Talking to us as you give your mouth a break is another. This isn’t a race. You can typically take your time here. Some guys have a hard time cumming when receiving a blow job. Some guys can’t last over three minutes.
No pleasure for the woman: As is the nature of a blowjob, it is about pleasuring one person, unlike kissing or other ways of foreplay. Many women do not like giving blowjobs as there's nothing in it for them!
With all due respect, if this is your excuse, you are doing it wrong. Your mindset is all wrong. It should be an experience for both of you. In the right mindset, a woman can be in total control of the situation while giving a blow job. It can be a power trip. She, essentially, has your manhood in her mouth. The next time you watch your girl eat, think about the times she has taken your penis in her mouth. Now remember the same teeth she is using to grind up her meal can easily force your manhood into early retirement.
“Who uses their teeth when giving a blow job?”
Some men actually enjoy it but not the point. The teeth occupy the same area where your penis is being inserted. The average strength of a human bite is 162 pounds per square inch! There are actual clinical research papers published documenting injury to the human penis after receiving oral sex.
According to a published paper in the National Library of Medicine, dated 2017 Oct. 3, doctors Chadwick Shirk, MD and Wesley Eilbert, MD reported on,
“[…] isolated anterior urethral laceration in a male caused by a biting injury sustained during fellatio. Most reported male genital injuries related to sexual activity have been penile fractures.” They continue, “[…] Human bite injuries to the penis is a topic rarely discussed in the medical literature. These injuries are probably underreported because of embarrassment, and there is frequently a delay in seeking treatment. To date, only infectious complications and amputation from human bites to the penis have been reported.”
Now with that thought firmly planted in your head, I ask you again, who really has the power during a blow job?
Uh huh… that’s what I thought.
My wife frequently uses the combo-method—the combination of sucking and licking, with a constant stroking motion of the shaft. The last part is crucial for me to reach an orgasm. She will alternate using her hand and mouth to provide a rhyme that satisfies me. I also like a firm grasp around my shaft. It isn’t uncommon for me to let her know to tighten her grip when desired. My requests don’t take away from the sexual moment we are both experiencing; contrarily, it actually enhances it. By communicating (verbally or with movements), she knows she’s on the right track. Cues are instant gratification that can be used by both of us. If I am going down on her, I can tell by her hip movements if she is about to cum. It’s a little bit of familiarity and a lot of paying attention to her voluntary (or involuntary) body movements. She might, at times, whisper, “… harder,” or, “… faster,” but for the most part, I am pretty in-tune with her movements. Other times, she may place her hand behind my head—non-verbally indicating to me not deviate from my current spot or to apply more pressure to that spot. This tends to occur when she is close to orgasm.
Searching my memory, I can’t recall a single time when I held the back of her head and shot my cum deep in her throat. You have no doubt seen this scene in many porn videos. To me, this is just rude—especially if she’s not into that. This can only work in Dominant/submissive roles or in the porn industry where both parties have agreement of pre-arranged boundaries.
One last piece of advice, guys: if you want blow jobs to be a consistent thing in your sexual life, avoid cumming her eyes and hair. Cumming on a woman’s face is one thing. It can be hot for both parties. However, accidentally or not, if you have never had cum in your eye, that shit burns. And I will refer you to the movie, “Something About Mary,” to how cum reacts to human hair.
So how can we, collectively, make blow jobs pleasurable for all? One thing my wife did was to take a class on the subject. You read that correctly; she attended a blow job class. The event was held at our neighborhood adult sex store. The class was a ladies only event. This provided a “safe space” for women to speak freely. Surprisingly, it was sold out with thirty ladies in attendance; all willingly expressing a desire to improve their skills in pleasing their partner. The instructor went over the basics of penis anatomy, familiarizing everyone with the more sensitive areas and erogenous zones of the penis and surrounding areas. Regions such as the small section on the underside of the penis just below the glands (mushroom hat) is the neck. Flicking the neck with her tongue causes a gratifying sensation. Various techniques were demonstrated by the instructor while the class followed along with their own dildo in hand. The sensitivity of the scrotum was acknowledged; however, it was explained how it isn’t to be ignored during a blowjob. This can be done by gently licking or taking one side of the scrotum in her mouth and tenderly sucking.
The two-hour class was informative and provided women the opportunity to ask questions, not only of the instructors, but their classmate’s experiences. There was also advice on the many sex toys to enhance the blowjob experience, as well as an opportunity to taste-test numerous lubricants. Sex Education classes assists in instilling sexual confidence. They are an opportunity to realize you aren’t alone in wanting a better sex life. It’s an additional way to strengthen the sexual wellness for all parties involved.
There are times when my wife will use flavored lubricant. This can be purchased online or in most retail stores. It comes in a range of flavors which provides a pleasing taste for her while also lubing my shaft. For those adventurous types, food can even be incorporated while giving a hummer. I’m not implying you bust out a cheeseburger—unless that’s your thing, then more power to you—however, selected fruit works well. Fruits can be incorporated with syrups like chocolate, honey, or other sweet nectars. There are also lubes which provide a warming and/or cooling effect that can be quite stimulating for his member.
My wife has an assortment of vibrators. There are occasions when she breaks one out and uses it on my perineum area.
“Your what area??”
Perineum, phonetically pronounced peh•ruh•nee•uhm. It’s the area between the anus and the scrotum (male) or vulva (female). Comically referred to as the landing strip, taint, chode, grundle, gooch, or bifkin. Perineum entered English from late Latin via Greek—which really isn’t that important except to us nerds. Regardless, this important (and often overlooked) area—when massaged—improves blood flow to the prostate gland and even stimulates the P-spot. The pleasure multiplies when the prostate is stimulated from the inside and the perineum rubbed from the outside.
“What do you mean, ‘the inside?’”
Insertion.
“So let me get this right… you want me to talk my wife into a blow job by asking her to fuck my ass with a vibrator? Is that what you are saying?”
That’s exactly what I am saying. She isn’t going to turn that down. In fact, she may try to contain her enthusiasm with a simple, “Okay,” and a sly smile. Just trust me on this one, guys. If you are scared you will turn homosexual, well… first, you’re a moron, and second, homosexuality is between two people of the same sex. You are trying this out with your wife. Calm down. If you are a little intimidated by the size of her toy, tell her to wash up and use her finger. And please, use lube. As much as you need.
Ladies, start small with very light external stimulation. The external anal sphincter is one of the most sensitive parts of the human body. It contains one of the densest concentrations of nerve endings. You can get a lot of pleasure out of external anal stimulation without ever going inside. Ass play—external or internal—while giving a blow job only increases the power play for you ladies and intensifies the experience for men. And remember: all employee’s must wash their hands before returning to work.
The last two items I would recommend for women is: time and patience. Giving a blow job is not a race. There is no need to rush through the act. It should be sensual for both parties. Make love to his cock with your face, hands, and mouth. Get to know his penis. Tune into his reactions and try to duplicate the ones that show him satisfaction. Don’t think about him orgasming. That will either happen or it won’t. That’s really not up to you at a certain point. Like yourself—and as I said previously—he may be fighting obtrusive thoughts that are floating around his mind. Showing patience allows him to relax into the experience. It also gives you time to experiment and explore his nether regions. If you rush through it, he will—in turn—feel rushed; and the experience will be lost on both of you. And please allow me to add this small piece of advice: no sixty-nines.
“What the fuck, man! First you want her to rub and fuck my ass, and now you are saying no 69ing?”
Hear me out. If you have seen Tom Segura in his comedy special, Ball Hog, you know what I mean. Segura leads into a bit by saying, “I think that 69ing is overrated, and it sucks.” For those who haven’t seen it yet, the bit is about four minutes long.
Take a small break, click on this link, and enjoy. I will see you back here after.
Welcome back! I hope you had a nice laugh… and learned a few things! As Segura said, “Let’s take turns like we learned in Kindergarten.” It looks great in porn videos, but, damn; it does feel like work. So just say no to 69ing; take turns.
At the end of the day, like with anything else in your relationship, communication is a must. So much resentment and most arguments can be mitigated by simply saying, “I’d like to talk to you about…” This is required from both partners. Ladies, if you were even considering blow jobs but honestly have no idea what you are doing, simply ask, “Does this feel good to you?”
Guys, get the pornstar, deep throat, forced-fucking, abusive blow job scene out of your head.
You’re in the wrong mindset. Women should be cherished and loved—even in the BDSM lifestyle (which relies heavily on trust and communication). If your partner wants to be treated that way, she will let you know. Take her lead, listening to each other, and above all respect each other.
And there you have it. I believe I’ve covered most areas on the subject of blow jobs. However, if you feel something was missing or you have a question, let us know! We’d love to discuss it with you. Drop us an email or leave a comment.