If you think Disney corners the market on magical adventure, try an adult superstore. I remember the first time I ventured into our local store, the kind that sells all the ‘naughty’ items we need to live a healthy and fulfilled sex life. I was in total awe at both the size of Fairvilla Megastore and the variety of things they sold. This wasn’t my first time in this type of place, but this one was different in all aspects. I had visited an adult store in another city when I was in my early thirties to specifically purchase a dildo. I was extremely insecure overall and spent most of the twenty minutes there in a nervous giggle. I was overly concerned by who might see me, despite the fact anyone would have been there for a similar reason. Fortunately for me at the time, the store was virtually empty. I made my selection and quickly left with a blue, penis-shaped dildo—who I fondly called Mr. Blue.
Many years and many dildos later, that trip to Fairvilla seven years ago was with my now husband, who I was dating at the time. Although I was a bit apprehensive given my previous experience, overall I was in a different place mentally. I was divorced almost a year, but finally with someone who embraced sexuality without judgement. I had lived with a lack of sexual confidence for the twenty-seven years since I started having sex at eighteen. All of our open discussions in the dating phase about what we liked sexually and wanted to try helped with any insecurities about sex. The open communication we had from the start of our relationship brought us in sync with each other and built trust. We weren’t going to allow the same destructive patterns as in our previous relationships with hiding who we really were and what we wanted sexually. It was refreshing for both of us.
I was overwhelmed when I entered the megastore, in a good way. The first floor (yes, it’s two-story) contained a diverse variety of clothing for every occasion, sexual or otherwise. There was lingerie, cosplay costumes, provocative shoes, body jewelry, wigs, swimsuits, and so much more. There was even an area for new brides with an assortment of white lingerie. Some of the outfits covered all your “naughty” bits, and some exposed everything. There’s no way to do the store justice with my writing; it’s something you really have to see for yourself.
There were sales associates throughout the store to greet you and offer assistance. I’m not a fan of sales people hovering over me at any store, much less an adult toy store. However, they didn’t hang around or constantly ask if I needed help; they floated about the store allowing us to shop on our own. I didn’t know at the time that all of the associates would be a fabulous guide for what I needed as they are extremely knowledgeable about everything they sell.
The far end of the first floor is room filled with every porn DVD video you never knew existed. It’s not for the faint of heart to witness the barrage of images on the some of the box covers as they are quite graphic; not to mention the titles that don’t obfuscate on descriptions. However, I’m always thrilled to see the variety that would appeal the different tastes we all have when it comes to our porn choices. They have lesbian, gay, fetish, interracial, BDSM, Orgy, Anal, Taboo…and the list goes on. Some are for purchase, while others may be rented; either way, everyone’s naughty needs are met.
Just outside of this room is more of for the party planner in you with novelties for bachelor and bachelorette parties, humorous greeting cards, and dirty games for groups or couples. No party is complete without penis straws and pussy lollipops if you ask me.
The real fun begins as you ascend up the stairs to the magical wonderland of toys. The open-space at the top of the stairs is bordered with literally everything you need to spice things up in the bedroom—or wherever you like to get it on. The first visit had me breezing by the never-ending variety of vibrators, dildos, anal beads, and lubricant options. I was still a little skittish about a total stranger knowing my kinks. I assure you, no one there cares about what turns you on; they are there for what turns them on.
The anxiousness was solidified with my ignorance of not knowing where you were supposed to put some the devices, or how they were used. This is where those handy sales people come in. You won’t get, unfortunately, a full demonstration on exactly how to use the item. They will, however, educate you on what it does, how it works, and where you can use it on your body. They are knowledgeable because if the person in front of you hasn’t actually used the item themselves, their coworker has. This is essential when instilling confidence with any purchase.
Where The Toys Are
Adult toys are used when your libido needs to be liberated, or by couples for both foreplay and sex. They ignite that spark, generating a whole new level of fiery sexual gratification. Sex toys may also increase sexual performance. Think of them as training tools to build your stamina toward orgasm. Although some do, in my experience, get me to climax rather quickly. Good for the horny person on the go.
The stigma of using sex toys has lessened over the years and everyone is going online to search which are the best ones to buy—like you would any household item. When I asked Google, “Which are the best sex toys?” I got 136 million results in .8 seconds. Here are a few that offer their top choices of sex toys that you may not have expected:
Rolling Stone - The Best Sex Toys on Amazon for Women, Men, & Couples
Women’s Health Magazine - 47 Best Sex Toys for Couples
Newsweek - 11 Best Sex Toys on Amazon That Reviews Rave About
The Daily Beast - The 5 Best Sex Toys for Couples
Forbes - Take 20% Off The Internet’s Favorite Vibrator
Good Housekeeping - 15 Best Vibrators to Buy Now
If Oprah’s site provides the “27 Best Vibrators for Women That Will Send You to Cloud Nine,” then I’m in good company with other inquisitive minds. Nevertheless, there’s no need to be ashamed purchasing a sex toy, or if you should need to read the instruction manual. Besides, there’s always Amazon that allows secrecy by delivering to straight to your doorstep. There’s even a smile on the box indicating their approval.
The benefits of using sex toys and various sexual paraphernalia are numerous for both you and when with a partner.
Most women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm and so many toys appeal to that need. Sex toys greatly increase the chances of orgasm, or in my experience, always provide one. Okay, perhaps not always because let us not forget, if your head isn’t in the game, there’s probably not going to be any touchdowns.
Word on the street is that some men feel offended that their partner wants to use a vibrator or dildo. They believe they will be rendered as obsolete or even incapable of competing with a “sure thing.” This couldn’t be further from the truth. When toys are used together, it can be titillating for both of you. Here’s a scene from my bedroom where you might see me reach over and grab a toy from the fun drawer.
SCENE - INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT
There’s a couple, laying in bed with the lights off. There is a subtle glow from the street lamps filtering through the blinds. White noise from the large shop-fan fills the room. There’s a couple lying in bed next to each other with the comforter pulled all the way up to their head.
HIM - I feel like I need to cum. I don’t know if we should have sex or I should masturbate.
HER - Hmmm.
HIM - You want to get on top?
HER - Nah, I’m tired. You can climb on if you want. (she spreads her legs)
HIM - Nah, I’m tired too. Porn for me?
HER - Looks like it.
Sometimes we are so tired when our head hits the pillow that engaging in sex where our bodies are intertwined seems exhausting. However, he usually feels the need for release, knowing it will be the perfect aid to fall asleep soundly. And because… well, he’s always horny. He sets himself up with his phone in one hand and cock in the other. A lot of times I can’t simply watch without feeling a rise in temperature and moisture where there previously was none. I think he swindles me sometimes and puts on a video he knows will get me all randy. Between the video and watching him masturbate, I HAVE to get my vibrator. I usually climax first which causes him to release instantly. We’re are still engaging in sex together, but separate.
She’s In Love With The Toy
There are some who feel using a vibrator or any sex toy is an artificial way to enjoy sexual pleasure. It’s just another option to stimulate arousal, not a substitute for sex. There are numerous toys available in all shapes and sizes, it’s just a matter of finding one that works for you. The dated notion of sex toys being sinful has shifted to sex toys being healthy. For example…
If you have trouble sleeping or feel stressed, having an orgasm will lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol while releasing dopamine and oxytocin. The combination of the hormonal shifts can help you feel much more relaxed, actually helping you fall asleep
Chronic dryness isn’t just for women going through menopause and can affect women of all ages. Aside from a hormone imbalance, many medications and birth control can cause dryness and discomfort. The vibration can help enhance blood flow and increase arousal. It is still recommended to use a lubricant with a sex toy, however repetitive use of vibrators promotes tissue repair and strengthens your vaginal muscles.
Lubricants
When it comes to lubricants, the most universal is a water-based because it won’t damage any of your sex toys that are made of silicone. If you’re using any metal and glass toys, either water-based on silicon lube can be used. The silicone lubes, in my opinion, are good for hand-jobs or self-pleasure as they don’t absorb as quickly into the skin and have a slick feel to them. However, they can stain your sheets or clothes. There are many varieties and flavors to choose from, so it doesn’t hurt to have a few on hand that suit your needs.
It’s Raining Men
Men aren’t excluded from having a variety of sex toy options. There are quality cock rings, prostate massagers, penis sleeves, and vibrators. One of my fans purchased The Handy, an interactive, automatic tool for masturbation. This is for those who want a little technological help to get off. The Handy can be used alone or it connects to your Wi-Fi and has Bluetooth capabilities that allows you to “sync up with any video which has an accompanying script file that allows the Handy to recreate the movements on screen.” It also offers a variety of sleeves with different textures for your pleasure. According to my fan, he appreciated the different speeds for stroking and found it easy to use overall.
Men may also enjoy the use of butt plugs and anal beads, adding an immense amount of pleasure by stimulating internal erogenous zones. These can be used during masturbation, oral sex, or while having intercourse. There are a lot of nerve endings in the anal canal, about 4,000—the same as the head of the penis.
Now guys, using the internal toys provide sensations that feel good and have nothing to do with your sexual orientation. There would have to be an attraction to other men and be interest in having sex with a man in order to be homosexual. It’s small minded and ignorant to think otherwise. This is all about sexual pleasure.
The use of any anal toys also doesn’t mean consent for anal sex, for men or women. Another concern is the sensation that you are going to go #2 while using said toy. This is only due to the nerve endings being aroused. Just clear your mind, let that go, and enjoy the pleasure it’s meant to provide—you’re not going to poop. And, as always, use lubricant with any sex toy, especially for anal play—and way more than you think you need. The best lubricant for this is silicone based. If you are not familiar with anal play, you will more than likely be very tight; and by adding ample lubricant along with gentle massaging, it will make the experience very pleasurable.
The Toy Is Mine
There are many sexual toys that seem illicit or shameful; but in reality, they provide enjoyable sexual pleasure, provide health benefits, and help with many sexual dysfunctions. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having your own arsenal of sex toys in a fun drawer. The National Coalition for Sexual Health states:
“Solid communication between partners is essential, but a good sex life starts with understanding and exploring your own body, what arouses you, and what gives you pleasure.”
The use of sex toys identifies your body’s sexual triggers and allows you to target them. By connecting with your body in this way, you come to understand what stimulates you. The use of sex toys is nothing to be ashamed of; it is not sinful, demeaning, nor is it a reflection of a poor sex life. Masturbation is natural, and just like sex, it is essential to our well-being. Learn to understand your body as there is absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying your sexuality.
If you have any questions about this topic or sex in general, check out our other articles on sexdemystified.substack.com; or drop us an email. We will be more than happy to help you in your sexual adventure. Be sure to follow us on social media, too!