Smuggling Bombs In The Bedroom

And Other Ways Our Bodies Like To Express Themselves

There are many ways to make love, have sex, do the nasty, etc. Some people like it serious and sensual; some like it dominating and direct; and some like it playful, yet passionate. There isn’t any wrong way and sometimes all of those ways to have sex are mixed together.

The key is being comfortable with your partner. So comfortable, in fact, that anything goes as long as you’re both in sync and communicate with each other. Well, what about when odd things happen that are completely unexpected? For example, let’s say one of you feel a little gassy while in the midst of an orgasm?

Mentally, one might scream, “Oh, mah gawd! That did not just happen!”

Yes, my dear, it did.

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You may be wondering if perhaps I saw this in some male-centered comedy where the main character is in the throws of sex and a loud—let’s just say it and get it over with—fart escapes his butt. The woman is disgusted and knocks him off her.

No, it was real life and it was me who let it escape.

*Sigh

First of all, it wasn’t loud, just a small wisp of air that escaped right after my husband… well, finished. In my defense, we were in missionary style and my knees were pressed against me. By the way, that position makes it almost requisite for gas to be released as it is stored in the large intestine. The only thought I had was, “Maybe he didn’t notice.”

Did you know bats possess a remarkable auditory capability, able to hear sound frequencies spanning from 9,000 Hz up to 200,000 Hz.

My bat-ears of a husband heard it.

Fortunately, we are most comfortable around each other and these things don’t embarrass us when it happens—mostly. In fact, once he laid back down, he relieved himself by releasing gas he had been holding. It became a funny moment, oddly enough. If it sounds too crass for your bedroom, it may be time to lighten up a bit. This is just how our body expresses itself, sometimes without checking with us first.

Is this sexy? Not really. However, our body doesn’t care. The reality is, neither should we. I’m not saying let it rip whenever you want, but sometimes we just don’t know it’s coming … or is it going?

The average person expels gas up to a dozen times a day or more—many times without us knowing. When we eat, drink or swallow saliva, we also swallow tiny amounts of air. It gathers in our gut, just patiently waiting to escape—either through burping or passing gas. As our body digests food, the bacteria creates this gas. It’s mostly hydrogen, methane, and carbon dioxide.

Sounds like a car, doesn’t it?

Sometimes we have gas that infiltrates the air around us; causing others to  shudder and look around for whose responsible. When the food we eat breaks down in our digestive system, it may produce sulfur—this is where that odor comes from. We all know about those silently but deadly gasses. Those are definitely not the type we want to escape during sex!

But alas, sometimes they do.

In any case, don’t be too hard on your partner for being gassy. Making them feel embarrassed or ashamed for a natural bodily function that you do yourself is unsexy. The best thing to do is completely ignore it. However, when they give you that look—you know the one that let’s you know it wasn’t as quiet as you though—just laugh it off.

“The simplest strategy for bouts of noxious flatus is to not care. Or perhaps to take advantage of a gastroenterologist I know: get a dog. (To blame.)”

~Mary Roach; Gulp: Adventures on the Alimentary Canal

On that note…

Did you know that there is a whole genre in porn that celebrates a fart fetish. I kid you not! On the popular porn site, Clips4Sale, farting videos are trending in the top ten. This is out of hundreds of categories available. There is actually a name for it—eproctophilia. This is the sexual arousal from flatulence.

The world of porn never fails to surprise me. If there is any sort of kink or fetish, no matter how obscure, you’ll find a porn video for it.

This fetish stems from olfactophilia—the sexual arousal from smells and odors. Dr. Mark Griffiths, published an academic study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior journal—"Eproctophilia in a Young Adult Male." His focus was a 22-year old male called Brad, who finds pleasure in other people farting.

Brad states:

“To see a beautiful, delicate lady passing wind is a breach of those expectations in a profound manner. That a beautiful woman is capable of producing a disgusting sound and smell is what attracts us, and makes us want to experience it."

Brad confessed he grew to like the sound and smell of flatulence from both male and females in his late teens. When it comes to relationships, his sexual orientation is heterosexual; however in his fantasies, he is more bisexual. Furthermore, Brad preferred the sounds coming from a fully-clothed person, rather than naked. He felt the sound carried better through clothing and that the smell lingered longer.

Dr. Griffith seemed impressed that Brad was insightful about his sexual behavior. I was impressed by the admission of sexual fluidity when it comes to his fantasies despite his sexual orientation. Brad expressed that he had no desire to actually have sex with a man; yet didn’t see any issue with including men in his fantasies.

We all have things that turn us on with some being as common as a woman’s breasts, a man’s arms, etc. When it comes to fantasies and fetishes, almost anything is subject to triggering a sexual response—even the uncommon, like flatulence. In fact, if you scroll through categories on  the Clips4Sale website, you’ll be amazed just how many are available. Balloons, Clowns, Hats, and even Dishwashing.

Apparently, I’ve been missing out on a whole market while I’m washing dishes after dinner.

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Many times, we don’t know why a flame is ignited in our libido; it just happens. In all actuality, we don’t need to analyze the reasons, just enjoy the pleasure it brings. I can’t say I don’t get a bit embarrassed when I pass gas, specifically the non-silent variety. Sometimes that happens when I laugh. However, I will say that it becomes a source of entertainment for my husband who likes to crack jokes when I do.

Let’s just say he has a strange scents of humor.

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