The Intersection of Indecision
A Tale of Emotional Entanglement, Part 4
In my last post, I recounted the tense conversation with my husband wherein I refused to relinquish my friendship with Max. It's worth mentioning that, throughout our marriage, I had questioned the nature of my husband's relationships with several women he claimed were just friends. In particular, during our time in San Diego from 2000 to late 2002, two female colleagues drew my suspicion. These concerns were exacerbated by the frequency of company-sponsored happy hours and the additional nights he would spend socializing with coworkers. Not only did he dismiss my feelings, he began deleting all of his text messages before arriving home, further fueling my doubts.
One might say I’m being a hypocrite given my infidelity history; however, this was a time where I remained faithful. In fact, we moved to California to escape our tainted past, renew our relationship, and focus on our growing family. At first, we spent all our time together and everything was going well. I still harbored my resentment of his affair resulting in a child, but was working through my feelings. Then, my father-in-law passed away, followed soon by my husband getting sued for child support. To cope with his depression, my husband returned to going out with friends several nights a week and drinking excessively. My frustrations with his behavior was met with hostility and I simply withdrew emotionally.
Soon after relocating back to Florida in 2003, my husband announced we would return to California for the wedding of one of the women I'd been concerned about. When I voiced my objections due to financial constraints and doubts about their true relationship, he made it clear that he would attend the wedding with or without me. He said a promise was made that he’d be there and he wouldn’t break it. Reluctantly, I agreed to join him. My suspicions were confirmed when I found myself frequently left alone at the reception as he actively pursued opportunities to talk with the bride. I could easily see their connection extended beyond mere friendship.
With this in mind, telling him I would not be giving up my friendship with Max was easy. When my husband stormed out of the house that day, I reached out to Max to tell him what happened. He was just as shocked with my refusal to not give him up “as a friend.” We didn’t talk about my getting a divorce, only the situation at hand. For some reason, Max was concerned for my safety—but, at the time, I was not. He encouraged me to be strong and to reach out if I needed to talk. Having someone be supportive and encouraging was exactly what I needed.